I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
