...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize