The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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