maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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