mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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