if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
