I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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