I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
