i permit you to call me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
