the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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