Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
