You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize