I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
