Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
