oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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