Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
