there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
