I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
