This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
