yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
