By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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