my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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