So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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