I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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