Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
