We're facebook friends in real life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
