The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
