i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
