dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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