In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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