just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
