sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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