Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
