I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
