I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
