my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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