I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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