I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
