He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
