I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
