Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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