He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
