Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize