I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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