her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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