Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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