Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
