No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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