its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
