i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
