is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
