I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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