Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
