We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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