Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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