just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
