Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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