just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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