How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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