somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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