i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
