Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
