I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
