hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
