So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
