I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
