Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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